Wait, Is This a Joke?

Since Andy begged out of a live show tonight, Ken was wonderful and aired an encore broadcast from October 7, 1998. If you were close to forgetting all your favorite Clinton quips, don't you worry, they're all right here in this episode. It is called the 100 Jokes Show (or The Monica Lewinsky Joke-a-thon), and you can listen to it here (RealAudio) or here (MP3).

As a challenge to all of you, I am curious if we could post 100 jokes of our own. Anyone have any good jokes? I know this great one about these Siamese twins...

Issues

Kelly Jones is vivacious. She somehow made it through this show despite Andy calling her adult relations whoring, offering listeners months in her bed, and encouraging potential stalkers to call her for dates. You can hear them chat about everything from dating to death here (RealAudio) and here (MP3).

Purple Nurple: The act of grabbing and twisting a nipple of another person, one's self, and even occasionally other mammals.
Logan's Run: A science fiction flick from 1976 that takes place in a fictional world where life must end at thirty.
The Nerve Speck Com: Where Andy met his lovely wife.
Take it easy, but take it: Andy's new catch phrase.

In this spirit of new knowledge, you should check out this article on the Coriolis effect. It explains, "The effects of Coriolis - when the rotating earth causes the winds to deflect to the right in the northern hemisphere and the left south of the equator - on baths of water, at whatever distance from the equator, is minimal." If this information seems completely random to you, then you haven't heard the International Bathroom Club show. Special thanks to listener David for this suggestion.

The Fat Man Punches the Skinny Man

While Ken vacations and Andy couldn't care less, Professor Dum Dum filled in for today's show. For us diehard fans, Ken made the infamous cub scout show available here (RealAudio) and here (MP3). If you enjoy hearing impressions made upon the young and impressionable, fart sounds, mmmbop, and Ken called a Barbie, this is the show for you.

Andy: Hey, do you think the five of you together could beat the crap out of Ken?
Webelos: Yeah!

Doing the Grunt Work

As you may have heard during the College Advice Show, Andy has offered to reimburse anyone who listened to the Worst Seven Second Delay EVER. You stand to be compensated as much as $1.50 for your time, if I can prove that you listened to more than half of the show. In order to do this, I have arranged a small quiz to make sure you caught all of Andy's zingers and Ken's disappointed sighs. Please e-mail me your answers before August 23rd, and be sure to include your full name and mailing address.

1. Where was Andy during this show?
2. If the tug of war participants had to be broken into teams, in what ways did Ken and Andy discuss splitting them?
3. What was Andy a-scared of happening? (HINT: The answer is not the show failing.)
4. How many cars actually stopped to play tug of war?
5. How many callers promised to come play tug of war?
6. Which of these things happened during the show?

(a) Andy mistook an ambulance driver for a security guard.
(b) Andy mistook a security guard for an ambulance driver.
(c) Ken said, "Chicks love balding white guys with rope!"
(d) Andy said, "Tug of war is a great way to meet chicks!"
(e) Chicks participated in a game of tug of war.
(f) Andy and Ken talked about their feelings and created a list of emotions that they were experiencing.
(g) Andy tried to use the classic offer "I'll be your best friend" to convince someone to play with him.
(h) Ken explained that Andy didn't pre-purchase McDonald's gift certificates because they only sold gift cards.

7. How long is 100 feet of rope?
8. How old is Andy?

Andy: Now what other show has done that after a failed show?
Ken: Well, no other show has ever done the McDonald's tug of war show.

Stay in School and Don't Do Drugs

On tonight's show, callers helped Andy give his daughter and nephew college advice. Julie, on her way to Hampshire College, and Jake, on his way to Emerson College, listened patiently as they were told everything from how to pick their undergraduate thesis advisors to how to avoid joining cults. You can hear all this great advice and this blog's very first on-air plug here (RealAudio) or here (MP3).

...and how could I forget all of my gossip and scoops? Word on the street is that Andy will be doing a show with someone else next week. Will it be his college-bound coed daughter? Will it be WFMU's only Kelly Jones? We'll see. Also, my insiders tell me that on the week after that (8/23/06) there will be a rerun of an old show. If you have any requests, you should post them here before Ken leaves on his lakeside vacation.

"Yeah, I did that."

The big news in Morris County this week is that Andy Breckman was paid to speak at Madison Public Library. As reported in the Daily Record, Andy shared insider information about showbiz with his audience. The article also takes a moment to describe Andy as a "balding, bespectacled man dressed in shorts" and to explain what hatching a "nugget" actually means. It's great.

You can read the entire article here, and be sure to tune in tonight for a live show.

Plugging Our Website

After much ado here it is: actual online content about the show Seven Second Delay. While the world may not need more of this, the show's website hasn't exactly been updated since July 2001. This online void has been discussed numerous times on the show. These conversations tend to go like this:

Andy: I’ve been teased about how long we’ve gone without updating our web page. Why can't we get some geek to come update it?
Ken: We need content not a geek.
Andy: Why don’t we have fanboys out there who can submit content?

And that was my call. As a fangirl, I am going to create capsules for each show on this blog. I'll do a much better job than a fanboy could ever do-- they just aren't as honest. To hear the above conversation and some others where Ken and Andy discuss their website, you should listen to the Not-So-Great Accent Recognition Contest or the Andy Goes Blogging show.

“Speaking of the internet, I’m on it. The world wide web.”
- Andy Breckman