Home Is Where The Oxygen Is

May 28, 2008: The Voice Match Game

I couldn't find a picture of the Livingston Mall that would confirm the presence of windows.

This week's premise, a voice recognition contest, was quickly overshadowed by the topic: a progressively more insane discussion of indoor/outdoor segregation. An amicable debate over which setting has done the most good for the world became a movie pitch about bargaining and survival in a post-apocalyptic horrorscape. (With the usual tangents, including restless leg syndrome, which makes for really bad audio but also a keen symbol of fellowship. Andy only knows one other person who does that? I do that!) No one brought up whether the outdoors or the indoors are kinder to Seven Second Delay shows. I maintain that one outdoor Bathroom Sting outweighs both Tug of War and Thanksgiving in Texas.

Speaking of old Seven Second Delay episodes, this kind of was one. 2004's Voice Recognition used exactly this concept. Selective Seven Second Delay memory was in full force: Andy and Ken relived the Hands in Marriage discussion, barely a year old, as if it was all entirely new to them. And for the record, in just a few months it'll be a full 17 years that Seven Second Delay's been on the air.

So! Where are we with Seven Second Delay's most recent (I still think worst) slump? The evidence all points to Andy and Ken having lost it and the show being tired and in a freefall: the slow descent into senility and a premise from 2004.

Except the 2008 remake was funnier.

Diagnosis: inconclusive.

It's One Hour of Zingers, Apathy, Life-Will-Losing Bouts, and Hanging Up On Losers...

...and positively no Hippie Noise!!!!

Oh, and I need an enginee- I mean CO-HOST! I need a co-host.

May 21, 2008: Speed Auditions


Summer is coming, and so is a new WFMU schedule!!!

And with Brian Turner taking leave from his 11-year tenure, Ken has taken the promotion/demotion/extra load of work/no extra pay/short straw as program director to add to his station manager duties; I see redder blood in the urine yet not know why.

And so the Wednesday hour of 6-7 pm this past week was spent wisely and practically for a change. Ken put out open speed auditions for new talent to fill some open slots in the new schedule to the listening public, streamlining an otherwise arduous task. Calls came in with an interesting array of wannabe DJ's and their "outside-the-box" ideas and favorite bands. Ken threw out his opine on what peaked his interest and what brought out the Simon Cowell in him. ("Nuthin' but Zappa!") Truly, though, you got a sense of what WFMU looks for to keep that 50-year-old gerbil-in-the-wheel running.

Oh, and Andy played with a watch and made zingers about hippie noise.

No, seriously, Andy came through with "the genuine" during the foreplay. He gave insight as to how he made his living "handsome" as a screenwriter of such dismal flix-ses like Hot to Trot (which I bought on VHS for a buck. Always found that bucktoothed Dabney Coleman really funny in it, now I know why.) And he talked about how he got the gig on WFMU back in the fall of 1991.

Which brings up the perennial question in any 7SD fan's mind; How bad was Andy's first WFMU show? Well that's what I wanted to know back in 2004 during the "Planning the Next Four Weeks" Show. Press Here Now. You might just get a taste of his naivete on the air from his second show on practical jokes or his guest spot on Chris T's Aerial View(MP3 or Pop-up Player!) (WARNING: the serious subject of the JFK assassination didn't bring out too many zingers.)

One more thing: OKAY, MR.-BIG-SHOT-CULTURE-OF-COMMENTARY! YOU'RE SO QUICK TO JUDGE ABOUT THE RECENT RUN OF 'TRAINWRECKS"? WELL, LET ME THROW THIS SCENARIO AT YOU: YOU'VE GOT AN HOUR AS DEEJAY ON THE WFMU AIRWAVES! WHAT WOULD YOU DO BETTER? COMMENT AWAY!!!!

Also: I'm typing this on Saturday night, Memorial Day weekend. I hope you planned yours out better.

Trial by 1993

May 14, 2008: Trial by Media (from December 1993)

Trial by media is a phrase popular in the late 20th century and early 21st century to describe the impact of television and newspaper coverage on a person's reputation by creating a widespread perception of guilt regardless of any verdict in a court of law.

A very old show, brought to us by Listener Brian. Why don't we hear this phrase as often today as we did in 1993?

Next week, Ken and Andy have a real great show idea, but they need a topic for everyone to call in and discuss. This is a show idea that they planned out TWO WEDNESDAYS ago, if you can believe it. Can you think of any good topics, my dear culture of commentary?

Why does Iron Man hate the hippies?

May 7, 2008: Listener Chat Room 2008

Ken and Andy gave the reins over to a happy melody and the listeners.

Someone is going to Israel where there are Jews. Some guy left a phone number for a friend to call him. Some girl hates on emo kids. Caucasians called in. Some people thought clever was having a computer voice read stuff. That was clever last week.

I may be in the minority, but I have been really enjoying the last rash of shows. For all the smack talk the show has been getting lately, when given the chance to take the show over this week, the listeners did not fare so well.

Postscript:
While watching The Black Dahlia, my ladyfriend noted that an off camera voice sounded like Andy (So...? I make ladyfriends listen to 7sd). You can hear him in this trailer at 00:16, right before the Josh Hartnett voice over kicks in. Turns out the voice belongs to way more famous director Brian De Palma (Google hits: 2 million to Andy's 50k).

Super Sonic Rascals

April 30, 2008: Text To Speech

I've gotta ask: has there ever been a worse run of shows in Seven Second Delay history? We're living through Andy and Ken's NYC Ghosts & Flowers here. I'm very interested in what's suddenly reinvigorated Andy with the will to sabotage the program every week. I'm curious why he apparently won't think about a show idea for more than ten seconds beforehand, won't commit to a concept and will switch topics before they've even begun. Might be time to get that therapist on the phone again, or do that call screener reunion or grab hold of any idea that's been waiting in the wings for far too long, because right now we need a good show badly.

Take that as an invitation, commentators and culturists, to flood this space with your show ideas. Or anything. Incidentally there are some good ideas in the massive playlist comment thread (has a new record been set? Intriguing!) Highlights include:

Who gets more listeners to commit crimes in one hour?

Playback an old show and do an audio commentary over it. Invite listeners who called in to the old show to call in and comment.

Call a company and see who can get forwarded to the most people.

Line up 10 call screens and have them screen calls for 5 minutes each. At the end of the show Ken and Andy rate the screeners.

Read the callers 3 different horoscopes without revealing the dates. The listener has to figure out which horoscope is for them.