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Listener Question #1
I've been listening to your CDs and have been enjoying them quite a bit. Have you continued to play guitar since you stopped performing professionally, and if so, have you written any new songs since then?

Thanks for writing. I'm not being sarcastic.
I stopped writing songs when people began paying me to write comedy.
In fact, I no longer have callouses.
The last song I wrote was a gift for my wife, when I was courting her, about three years ago. She pretended to like it.
Thanks for listening.

Listener Question #2
I've always wondered why you dropped the 7SD benediction. Just forgot about it after your hiatus in 2001? I'd like to see it make a comeback. The same goes for the rating system (four stars).

Thanks for writing.
Wasn't Jake's question annoying? What was his problem? I guess he just needs attention. Sad, really.
YOUR question, however, is fabulous.
You're right. We should revive the benediction. And I'll talk to Andrea about reviving the rating system.
Thanks for listening,

Listener Question #3
Happy Birthday, Andy! And thanks for the secret santa gift- we loved the bow lingual.
Since you're so successful and wealthy from your comedy writing/show running, why do you continue to host a talk show for a small radio station that pays you nothing?

Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for writing
Your question is so much more insightful than that idiot Zero.
I'm glad you liked your gift.
It's true- I dont have to do the show to pay my rent- but over the years I've come to love doing it- it's sort of like therapy for me- scream therapy.
Thanks for listening.

Listener Question #4
What's the best idea for a Seven Second Delay show that you've had that Ken wouldn't let you do?

Dear Jwgh,
Thanks for writing. Can you believe how dumb Anonymous's last question was?
But YOUR question has made my day!
I've always wanted to solve a Rubics Cube on the air, by describing where all the colored dots are... but so far, Ken had nixed it. That is why my new goal in life is to outlive him.

Listener Question #5
I'm an aspiring Comedy Song Writer. (You commissioned me to write the Cheer Up Beth Song years ago.) What advice do you have for someone who aspires to be you?
-Grant in Burbank

Dear Grant,
Thanks for writing. Its such a relief to receive a smart, insightful question after the crap that listeners like JWGH have been posting.
Beth is right here. She says she loved her song. Thanks again for that.
My advice for young songwriters: follow your heart.
It's my advice for anyone, about anything... because it's so easy to say and doesn't mean anything.
I love you.

Listener Question #6
Oh, another question: Does the fact that there haven't been any "4 minute leftover" shows in the last years mean that you've actually run out of good ideas and are now using the bad ideas Ken usually would reject?

Dear Zero Again,
First off, sorry about the comment I made about you earlier. I was drunk. Forgive me. I love all your questions. They're so thoughtful, especially compared to the drivel I get from the likes of Grant.
We have tons of leftover ideas- so I think you'll be getting another 4 minute show soon. Brace yourself.
Love and kisses,

Listener Question #7
Alright, which era did you like working SNL better? During Ebersol's reign or Lorne's second?

Great question! You clearly have put a lot more thought into your post than that last guy. He was awful, wasn't he?
Ebersol was my first boss at SNL. He put tons of my stuff on- often two sketches a show- so I can't complain about his reign.
Lorne was more fun to work for, but it was more competetive.
I'm glad I experienced both.
Enjoy what's left of your life,

Listener Question #8
Who makes you laugh?

Dear Kevin,
I'll tell you who DOESNT make me laugh- that last poster, Raj! He was sad, really.
A lot of people make me laugh. I laugh all day at work. I'm surrounded by five great comedy writers, including Tom Scharpling. Great job. I'm a fortunate man.
Hugs and kisses,

Listener Question #9
I started listening to your show because I realized you treat people the same way I do. Mostly as props for zingers that only amuse me (since I do not have a radio show). Why do family, friends, and old ladies still love us?

Hey Austin,
Thanks for listening. You obviously "get me"- which is more than I can say for that last poster, Kevin. What a waste of skin.
I know how satisfying it is to use people as props. I don't know what our problem is. Is it narcassism? Or is short attention span? I don't care. All I know is: it gets me through the day.
Love always,

Listener Question #10
Since Beth is right there, can she tell us what it's like to be married to Andy?

Dear Kevin,
This is Beth, Andy's wife. Being married to Andy is like being married to Amelia Bedelia (the kids book)... he gets a lot wrong, but then he says something very funny and then all is forgiven. Pretty sweet guy.