Just Another Trainwreck... No Wait, THE ULTIMATE TRAINWRECK!!!!!

April 23, 2008: Timezones and Trainwrecks

From an anonymous posting to the previous blog:

"Was the time zone show so bad that it doesn't even merit a recap? It was a good show except for the topic. And the concept. And the execution.
-Ken"

Well, here is the posting for this week's episode, written on a Saturday evening, two days late from the usual deadline (24 hours after air.) You see I traded shifts with Austin earlier this month and lost sight of the originally-mapped-out schedule from our boss Andrea. So I re-listened to the show last night for inspiration and nodded off midway into perfect slumber. Now I'm back from menial retail to belt this baby out.

(Sigh) Here we go.

The foreplay last Wednesday between Ken and Andy clocked in at 17 minutes of beautiful free-flowing chat: Andy sucks at acting; Andy agrees to open for the slapdash garage band known as Sonic Youth with his dummy act (the WFMU 50th Anniversary Show this July 4th); Ken and Andy touch up on the milestones of WFMU's illustrious 50 year history; Be Ken's Facebook friend and see the uncensored waterboarding incident on video; Be Andy's Facebook friend and... screw it, I'll save you the trouble:

TURKEY CLUB!!!!

FOLLOW YOUR DAMN HEART!!!!!

COPYCAT, WITH SIGOURNEY WEAVER!!!!!!!

Gypsy the musical gives great "Goto Hell!!"; Monk and no milfs on the Family Hour; and Daisy Freedman is getting married at Chuck E. Cheese. Moving on...

The show originally asked for a caller from each timezone (all 24 or however many...) and got 8, including one from Nova Scotia and another from Norway. And a fecal-load of flack from the culture of commentary. Here's the one comment that caused a turn from long-time listener Joe:

This is the point when the show dies, and Andy uses the show for warmth, cutting it open and crawling inside the husk of the (dead) show

Come on guys! you can do better!! you HAVE done better!! last show was quite good!!

And that's where Andy decided to turn this newly-born trainwreck into a show ABOUT trainwrecks, right at the half-hour mark.

And the listeners poured in citing their favorite trainwreck scene in movies and personal anecdotes about trainwrecks, calling in, commenting on the message board... In fact, if you wanna comment about trainwrecks on this blog, feel to do so.

Or do whatever on my posting; I don't care. This past installment left me too uninspired to breathe life into my recap; I'd rather catch up on my Best Show podcasts quite frankly; I left no cute hyperlinks here out of my own apathy; I feel like I call the show too much; I think that photo up there (Trainwreck at Gare Montparnasse, Paris, France, 1895) that I stole from Wiki was used on this blog before on a previous 7SD trainwreck; I'm sick of the word "trainwreck"...

I'll just leave you with this link, which is all you need to know before you move on to next week's episode.

A Log On The Fire

Guess what book this is from. Thanks to Joe, who came through like a star in the previous post's comment thread.

So I moved along to Andy, a guy who created and wrote a popular TV show.

"How do you know hes not lying?" my sister Wendy asked.
"Because if he was lying he'd say he wrote for Seinfeld," I patiently explained.
Andy seemed like a distinct possibility. He was funny. He was warm. And he had a screening room in his basement

"He sounds like he may be the Guy," said Charlie over Tuesdays night takeout Mexican. "Maybe you two could get married and we could, you know, take turns using the screening room."

"You're kidding me, right?"

He turned me toward him, suddenly serious. "I love you, Isabel. You're the best thing thats ever happened to me. Ever. I only want whats best for you and the kids, and if you think the Cable Guy is it, then we can stop seeing each other and you can give it a shot."

But visions of Charlie in the screening room wouldn't go away, and after a few dates I asked Andy if we could take a hiatus for a couple of weeks as I had another "log" on the fire. When Charlie proved to be a disappointment...again, I found that Andy and his screening room had moved on.

I guess that's a little underwhelming.

Let's Do It Again

April 16, 2008: Tonight's Programme, Tonight's Programme, Tonight's Programme



When I started this blog, I promised lots of gossip and scoops-- and here's the biggest one of all time. Andy is a really nice guy! Listen, he even called me ANDREA.

On this week's episode we got to hear the show not only once, but three times in a row. I know. Woah! It was like only having one podcast on your ipod shuffle, or something.

I wonder if we could try for a fourth time, only recreate the show in the form of blog comments? I'll begin with the theme music.

Andyyyyyy aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnndddddd... KELLY! Kelly Jones, Kelly Jones, Kelly Jones...

April 9, 2008: Kelly and Andy duke it out this evening

Yes, that was a turn on Billy Paul. Nope, not one f*&kin' apology from me!



So, this was ... this was not a trainwreck.

Huh!

He sabotaged one show, she called-in-sick on another, all that whole marathon/suspension/facebook mish-mosh left the air tepid; and now, they're back, they do a do-over on the "Lie Detector" game, and the chemistry is unstoppable.

"You're a retard!"
"You're a whore!"
"You're a retard!"
"You're a whore"
"RETARD!"
"WHORE!"

No, see, it goes beyond this basic shtick to a level which I can't articulate. Call it a mochachino swirl of Machievelli, Borges and the Bickersons. Judge for yourselves.

Oh, and (SPOILER ALERT):

-Turns out the different version of Montenegro's GoodBadUgly, which I took as the special opener that sets apart "Kellandy" from "Kendy", was inadvertant.

-The female listeners are back! They're back!!

-Leave Andy alone, cyber-socialites!

-We learn something new from certain longtime callers:

Good credit, lotsa travel, and birthin' no babies.

Jersey kid used to live in New York.

Brunette-with-older-beau's seeing-eye dog gets no nod from WFMU marathon.

Expert coin-handling bubble-bath king almost put Howard Stern in office.

Bisexual witch's old flame loses wick over internet.

Tall indian with big feet has minor glories of Emmy facetime and rapper musk. (Also Andy remembered him. Tee-hee... ahem.)

Relief call-screener prefers erasers and Xmas ornaments to grilling a steak.

All in all, a solid show in my book. The trainwreck counter is back to zero.

Should we just stop there? Hop on board the plane with Andy, spin fascinating yarns with one another, and take on that BITCH MOUNTAIN?

Aaaaah, I'll run it by Ken when he get's back.

Enjoy your non-punitive time off, Rupture! Heaven knows you've earned it!

(pic of Ms. Jonez courtesy of Lady Marvelitsky (hey flickr, go flickr, soul flickr, go flickr...))

Bank It

This week on Facebook (you've heard of Facebook, I'm on it, etc.) Ken voiced a traditionally unvoiced request and made a sincere plea for show ideas. Consider this a public service announcement for the one person who's still only reading this blog and not the Seven Second Delay Facebook page. Actually, I think that one person was me. So never mind.

You can post some show ideas here though. For bonus motivation, if an idea is used Ken promises its originator a Seven Second Delay t-shirt (as modeled below.)


Yikes.

The Return

April 2, 2008: Battling Facebooks

Welcome back to the culture of commentary.

Three weeks off the air with no explanations can generate a lot of questions. Tonight, everything was answered with the first post-waterboarding episode of Seven Second Delay, which followed in the grand tradition of foreign policy-related show hiatuses like 9/11 and Andy's USO trip to Baghdad. The answer to the question "is this the show?" is, sadly, yeah.

In this week's trainwreck, Andy went head-to-head with Ken and technology in a Facebook duel. Ken tempted listeners over to his side with the promise of the waterboarding video, which by now might have lost some of its innocently sadistic charm and is now more a weird and unsettling snapshot of Seven Second Delay history.

Additional show notes:

Can it be true that no one has read this book yet? How can this not end up being read on the air? From Manless in Montclair's Amazon page: "To Isabel's surprise, she enjoys the dating game in spite of the almost constant flow of letdowns, near misses, and largish disappointments, and promises to underwrite a vacation for whoever introduces her to her future husband. Among the contenders is JDate-find Larry, who warns her that his post–prostate surgery sexual prowess is like trying to shove a marshmallow into a piggy bank." Hmm! Seems plausible, right?

Also, I registered for Facebook solely for the purposes of the show and the fatal flaw of that plan is that I now find myself with a Facebook account and one friend. Obviously I have to quickly accumulate a quietly respectable amount of friends and then forget about it totally. I can't abandon it now with my one friend because the internet historical record will then reveal me to be a loser, but if I turn it into an active hobby I will also be remembered as a loser for maintaining that obsession to any excessive degree.

Life is tough.