Gratuities Are Appreciated

December 5, 2007: Secret Santa 2007

The newest Seven Second Delay tradition continues unabated, resulting in perhaps the most clerical hour of the program ever. This year's participants were a lot less forthcoming with likes and dislikes, so it's more challenging than usual. If you are a Secret Santa this year, and if you are so moved, you can further elaborate on gift suggestions in the comments section. Otherwise please refer to the vaguely helpful Seven Second Delay Secret Santa 2007 Shopping Guide (or 7SDSS2K7SG) below:

Those of us not participating can still look forward to the marathon premiums being mailed out this month. Which was less of a gift and more of a eight-month-old purchase.

7SDSS2K7SG:

Mike: An "old folkie", fixated on '60s-'80s soundtrack albums.
Greg: BIKE. Needs helium balloons and steroids.
Stephanie: A current runner and former swimmer who may tackle the Hudson River and so needs extra buoyancy and protection from the heavy metals. Ken suggests grease.
Chris: A former mailman, likes the White Stripes and horror movies.
James: Moving to Ireland. Ken suggests an electrical converter kit.
Andy: The one in Berlin. Admits he is difficult person to get a gift for. Likes the New York Review of Books and music. Suggests that his Secret Santa utilize amazon.de to circumvent international shipping charges.
Ira: Likes non-fiction, helium balloons, and computers. Something about psychics? It was hard to hear. Maybe what Ira really needs is a better phone. Or maybe I need to pay attention.
Jeff: The call-screener. Requests Al Bowlly, Ray Noble & his Orchestra or other 1920s dance music, and teeth-whitening strips.
David: In Japan, formerly of California. Enjoys earthquakes, hospitals and geography. Is after music from the Sublime Sounds label.
John: Crew socks. Jimmy Shands records. Enjoys lying about co-writing many of the Eagles' biggest hits.
Dante: Requests books and movies dealing with apocalyptic or end-of-civilization scenarios. If he had remembered either the author or the title, Andy would have recommended Cormac McCarthy's The Road.
Chalky: All things Patrick Swayze, excepting Roadhouse and Dirty Dancing. Red Dawn, however, is on the table.
Nick: "A gooseneck lamp or a blender". Also, getting out of his parents' house and gainful employment. Sorry, Nick.
Ralph: He's a blues guitar player. That's all the information you need unless you want to get him an AMPLIFIER.
Grant: Andy Breckman's protege is also Andy Breckman's Secret Santa so you don't need to worry about what Grant wants.
Ken Freedman: For his upcoming class-action suit, a good lawyer.
Andy Breckman: Andy would like money, preferably illegally.

Next week: the long-awaited radio bar mitzvah. I suppose even if it wasn't delayed it would still technically be long-awaited.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do you know anyone who's asked their secret santa they want their mommy and daddy to get back together this xmas?

Duncan said...

Why, are you offering to get back together with the parent of your child? That would be a little something called "great blogging."

jwgh said...

Is it just me, or did SSD get some awfully earnest callers this week?

Joe said...

I dont even talk to earnest
He doesnt call, he doesnt write