Breaking the Ten Commandments

From the Archives of Seven Second Delay

February 7, 1996: Breaking the Ten Commandments

Congratulations on [coveting your neighbors' maidservant] being the biggest sin in your life. You can serve on my jury anytime.

Foreplay Topics
This special benediction is added to the beloved standard:
"Dear Lord,
May the person I humiliate this week be a very small person
and not be able to physically hurt me.
Amen."

Will to Live-o-meter
Andy's holds on for the big finish: the sin of adultery.

Other Show Concepts Discussed
Andy laments over the previous week's show that was destined to live in infamy: Andy Kicks The Kid Out Of His Band Show. Oddly, they promote next week's show that was destined to live in obscurity: Marrying Off The Listeners and Call Screener Stork Show. And, Andy mulls over two possible concepts that were destined to be forgotten: Breaking The Seven Deadly Sins Show and My Wife's Not Listening Show.

Summary
To disprove Ken's assertion that people are basically good and decent, Andy has callers break all ten commandments, on the air, in an hour.

The Broken Commandments
I. Thou shall not pray to the goddess of the earth.
II. Thou shall not paint graven depictions of chaos.
III. Thou shall not love the show, god-dammit and nail a few 2x4's on Saturday.
IV. Thou shall not tell your dad he is stupid.
V. Thou shall not kill an ant.
VI. Thou shall not kiss your girlfriend while waiting for your divorce to go through
VII. Thou shall not steal toilet paper from work.
VIII. Thou shall not lie about your neighbor stealing CD's from WFMU, running an underage call girl ring, arming Iraq, and hating Ken and Andy.
IX. Thou shall not use voodoo to get your neighbor's stone house.
X. Irwin shall not call Andy's wife a babe.
Bonus
Best Zinger By a Caller
Andy: If this was a Twilight Zone episode, you'd go home and do you know what would be in your living room?
Sexy Voice Caller: Dennis Hopper.

No comments: