April 1, 1992: Confessions
1. Meet a new person. Make eye contact. Ask questions. Establish a rapport.
2. With a budding friendship firmly rooted, reveal a hideous secret, preferably involving an illegal or immoral action on your part. If the friend withdraws, this person was never a good friend in the first place. But in some cases…
3. The friend will make an equivalent confession. This is when you reveal the made-up or deeply embellished nature of your own, and express your horror at your new pal’s depth of depravity.
4. Eventually, tender your grudging forgiveness.
5. Spend as much time with your new friend as possible. If you need a favor, ask away.